Sat 14/6

Hey peeps. Huili called for us to share our lives freely with one another, and I guess I will.. though a bit paiseh. But since it's on a blog, I'm hidden from public eyes! But still, as I'm typing, your eyes and images of you guys are so clear... Crap! Get out of my mind, guys! Haha okay I'm being crazy =P Anyway, here goes..... *blush*

Sat 14/6 was a day of great meaning to me. Not only was it the poly ess, it was the day both God and the devil became so clear to me. You guys know I went for netballuxion in the morning helping edmund do saikang, lugging cans and packs of 100 plus and bottles of water here and there, giving out goodie bags. Here are all the things you guys didn't know about..

I went home, fell asleep, woke up at 6pm without an alarm. First thing in my mind was "Die! mingjiao you're so late you're so dead!" Next thing that popped out was "Don't go larh. Don't go, it's only the poly ess, no use to you." So this went on, the debate so alive in my mind. Still, my feet dragged me out of the house, as this lively debate was stuck in my mind. Right after the bus came, God 'left' me. He quietened down, He didn't utter a word. The devil spoke so much, he was so loud, noisy, clear, taunting and tempting, eg "See, you should have gone home" when I found out I had my monthly reminder that I'm a girl at Woodlands (40 mins to somerset). So there I sat, totally still with fear, with those thoughts of going home still in my head.

Reached somerset, went to the toilet to see if it was a dispensing machine, but there wasn't. Irritated. Went 7-11, saw that it was selling at an exorbitatnt amount and got irritated again. By this time, I was not only irritated by the situation, but with God too. I was irritated with Him for not letting me go home, for waking me up, for not putting a dispenser in the toilet so I can just pay $1 instead of $4.20. I was irritated, annoyed, pissed and dejected. I was annoyed with my head (not because it's small, minghan), kept telling myself to stop it, to hold those thoughts, to take captive of them and make them obedient to Christ like in 2 Cor _:_ (dont rmb where). But I couldn't.

Dragged myself to service, saw the ushers armed, aimed, took their best shot at and pulverised me with their smiles and warm happy 'welcome!'. Immediately the horrible thoughts were silenced. As I climbed up the stairs, I remember having a thought pop into my mind "Lord, save me"; till now, I don't know where that came from. The moment it was rooted in my mind, the evil thought took place yet again.

Sat in my seat, I was too late for praise and worship; I was glad the play started so I could concentrate on something else. The start was nothing much, I was too occupied stoning, I was basically just sitting there, tired out from all that debate, stoning, glad for the silence in my mind. Nothing though, touched me like the song from Lifehouse, Beautiful. The lyrics were so meaningful, it drove right to my heart. I could see how horrible I've been, how horrible I can be without God in my life. I could feel God's love, his care and concern for me again. I saw how terribly tempted I was, how weak and small I am. But He was with me. I was so undeserving, yet He is still with me. I was so upset with God for nothing, for my selfishness, yet He brought me back. Yet He loves me. Tears welled up, face scrunched, heart touched, softened, as I stared at the lyrics on the screen. I was so upset with myself, disappointed, ashamed; I let Him down again. However, as tears streamed down, pouring, an image of the Lord floated into my mind. He was saying "It's alright, it's alright, I'm here now"...

I thank God for that. I felt Him there so much, it touched my heart, warm and soft. It was a lesson, a whole new experience like never before. The rest was history.
I thank God for everything I went through, for pulling/seeing me through all these. I thank Him for Him.

I guess I could write an essay about this, but I would like to just leave it at that. (Don't wanna bore you guys to death.) God is so amazing. See you guys later! I hope we win!! =))