Sat 21/6

Hey, here I am again. Hadn't had the time to post till now. Anyhow, Sat was a great great great day! =)) We had the cycling event, followed by lunch, and service. Cycling was great, though the bike was terrible. Lunch was even better, we got to talk =) Service was the best, and the after-service was even even even better! =DD


A few of us stayed after service, I was debating if I should be on my way home, since it was way past 10pm. I wanted to stay, not only because of simin, but also because I thought the content of the talk was so good, I felt I had to stay. I wanted to stay and listen to Derrick, Calyn and Simin, their thoughts, opinions, lives etc. It was a wonderful time of fellowship, and real fellowship at that.

I guess that day was a day when I really got to know them, to see them for who they were, especially Simin and Derrick. You know Derrick is like, funny, wacko and all that, but his deep is like... really deep. It's comparable to the deep questions Huili would throw sometimes. -scary- Calyn and Derrick were talking about Minyi, this freshie, whom they had lunch with that day. They were discussing something about God, His existence and all that. I think someone said Minyi's issue is why she needs God in her life, as in, she doesn't know why, doesn't think she needs God in her life right now.

And.. my mouth just had to open and say, "Oh yeah, I thought of that too before coming to church." Right after that, Calyn had that evil glint (haha just kidding) in her eye, and out of her mouth came, "So do you know why?" Hmm, I sort of know, but not really. As in, it's a feeling that I couldn't explain, at that point of time. So I resolved to come back to this, and tucked it into the back of my head.

Slept on the way home, so couldn't think. But I think I sort of got my answer, as in, it's a personalised answer, for me. I think it would definitely be different for you guys.

While thinking about it, I could come up with all sorts of random answers, for instance, security, love, peace, joy, hope, forgiveness, etc. However, what I think is really the issue at hand when one encounters this question, is are you really satisfied with your life now? Are you fully peaceful and at rest with your heart and soul now? Are you able to maintain composure for most times, least to say at all times? Are you truly grateful and glad you're 'alive and well' in this world?

I guess it's really quite a self-centred question. It's like asking what do I get from acknowledging God. Likewise in business relations/transactions, CEOs/project managers would always ask, what do I get if I sponsor/oversee this project of yours? What do I stand to gain?

However, a relationship with God goes far far far beyond that. It goes beyond the boundaries of defining what you can get, what you stand to gain from, because what God can give you, is something that we can never foresee or measure. It is unthinkable, it is beyond our abilities.

I guess if someone asked me Minyi's question, I would shoot back "Why do you think you do not need God in your life?", then see what the reply would be. For myself, I decided to look to God for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I wanted to repent from my sinful ways; essentially, what I wanted was a U-turn in life. My second reason is that I wanted my innocence as a child back again. I wanted to be free. I wanted answers, guidance, truth, in my walk in life. I wanted to know more, beyond this world; I wanted to know if there was more to life than what I had experienced or heard.

I got more than what I asked for. Along the way, I picked up a peace of mind, restfulness, love, joy, forgiveness, patience, truth, perseverence, and much much more - all these are invaluable. I made a handful of friends who truly care, a bunch of like-minded peeps, who really love each other and care for one another - priceless. I gained a Shepherd, a Teacher, Father etc, one whom I could look up to and at, at any point of time - that's truly amazing. He's not afraid to rebuke me, guides me to the Truth, shows me the Way when I'm lost, and gives me Life. =)

Basically, my answer to Minyi's question can be better expressed in the song by Hillsong, How could I live, one of my favourite songs. =)

Oh! Haha I don't know if this is like imagination of mine that's working overtime, but I was listening to Lincoln Brewster's Lord I lift Your Name on High, and I was tracing Jesus' route from Heaven to earth to the cross (on a hill), to the grave and back to Heaven, and I realised it forms a 'W'! Haha so cool.

Yeep! I'm off, it's going to be a busy busy busy week! =) See you guys tmr! =)

Sat 14/6

Hey peeps. Huili called for us to share our lives freely with one another, and I guess I will.. though a bit paiseh. But since it's on a blog, I'm hidden from public eyes! But still, as I'm typing, your eyes and images of you guys are so clear... Crap! Get out of my mind, guys! Haha okay I'm being crazy =P Anyway, here goes..... *blush*

Sat 14/6 was a day of great meaning to me. Not only was it the poly ess, it was the day both God and the devil became so clear to me. You guys know I went for netballuxion in the morning helping edmund do saikang, lugging cans and packs of 100 plus and bottles of water here and there, giving out goodie bags. Here are all the things you guys didn't know about..

I went home, fell asleep, woke up at 6pm without an alarm. First thing in my mind was "Die! mingjiao you're so late you're so dead!" Next thing that popped out was "Don't go larh. Don't go, it's only the poly ess, no use to you." So this went on, the debate so alive in my mind. Still, my feet dragged me out of the house, as this lively debate was stuck in my mind. Right after the bus came, God 'left' me. He quietened down, He didn't utter a word. The devil spoke so much, he was so loud, noisy, clear, taunting and tempting, eg "See, you should have gone home" when I found out I had my monthly reminder that I'm a girl at Woodlands (40 mins to somerset). So there I sat, totally still with fear, with those thoughts of going home still in my head.

Reached somerset, went to the toilet to see if it was a dispensing machine, but there wasn't. Irritated. Went 7-11, saw that it was selling at an exorbitatnt amount and got irritated again. By this time, I was not only irritated by the situation, but with God too. I was irritated with Him for not letting me go home, for waking me up, for not putting a dispenser in the toilet so I can just pay $1 instead of $4.20. I was irritated, annoyed, pissed and dejected. I was annoyed with my head (not because it's small, minghan), kept telling myself to stop it, to hold those thoughts, to take captive of them and make them obedient to Christ like in 2 Cor _:_ (dont rmb where). But I couldn't.

Dragged myself to service, saw the ushers armed, aimed, took their best shot at and pulverised me with their smiles and warm happy 'welcome!'. Immediately the horrible thoughts were silenced. As I climbed up the stairs, I remember having a thought pop into my mind "Lord, save me"; till now, I don't know where that came from. The moment it was rooted in my mind, the evil thought took place yet again.

Sat in my seat, I was too late for praise and worship; I was glad the play started so I could concentrate on something else. The start was nothing much, I was too occupied stoning, I was basically just sitting there, tired out from all that debate, stoning, glad for the silence in my mind. Nothing though, touched me like the song from Lifehouse, Beautiful. The lyrics were so meaningful, it drove right to my heart. I could see how horrible I've been, how horrible I can be without God in my life. I could feel God's love, his care and concern for me again. I saw how terribly tempted I was, how weak and small I am. But He was with me. I was so undeserving, yet He is still with me. I was so upset with God for nothing, for my selfishness, yet He brought me back. Yet He loves me. Tears welled up, face scrunched, heart touched, softened, as I stared at the lyrics on the screen. I was so upset with myself, disappointed, ashamed; I let Him down again. However, as tears streamed down, pouring, an image of the Lord floated into my mind. He was saying "It's alright, it's alright, I'm here now"...

I thank God for that. I felt Him there so much, it touched my heart, warm and soft. It was a lesson, a whole new experience like never before. The rest was history.
I thank God for everything I went through, for pulling/seeing me through all these. I thank Him for Him.

I guess I could write an essay about this, but I would like to just leave it at that. (Don't wanna bore you guys to death.) God is so amazing. See you guys later! I hope we win!! =))

Hey peeps! Calyn lent me this book called Traveling Light by Max Lucado, and I want to share with you guys something really really cool in it!

In this book, Russ Blowers, a preacher, was a minister in Indiapolis. He knew he would be questioned about his profession at a Rotary Club, meeting and he said this,

"Hi, I'm Russ Blowers. I'm witha global enterprise. We have branches in every country in the world. We have representatives in nearly every parliament and boardroom on earth. We're into motivation and behaviour alteration. We run hospitals, feeding stations, crisis-pregnancy centers, universities, publishing houses, and nursing homes. We care for our clients from birth to death. We are into life insurance and fire insurance. We perform spiritual heart transplants. Our orginal Organiser owns all the real estate on eart plus an assortment of galaxies and constellations. He knows everything and lives everywhere. Our product is free for the asking. (There is not enough money to buy it.) Our CEO was born in a hick town, worked as a carpenter, didn't own a home, was misunderstood by his family and hated by his enemies, walked on water, [turned water in wine], was condemned to death without a trial, and arose from the dead. I talk with him everyday."

Cool right! =))) So cool. I can't get over it. =DD